My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
