Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
