if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
