Me. At least after what I've been through.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
