i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
