her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
