was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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