what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So many bounce houses so little time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize