he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
