break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize