i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
either way he was missing a nipple.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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