my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
