I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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