Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
