What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
