Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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