Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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