i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
