wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drunk is not a location!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
