do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
