I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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