your thong is hanging out like whoa
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
