Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
