my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
