Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
