as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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