We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
