that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
