So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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