Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
