on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
