Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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