I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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