So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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