'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
