: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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