She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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