I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who died my cat blue again?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
