I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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