No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
