He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
