I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
