There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
