I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
