My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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