Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
