I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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