I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
