On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
