I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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