I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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