How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
