no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
