oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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