Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
