I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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