Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
