I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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