party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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