what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
