just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sober January is a disaster.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
