I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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