I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
