He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
