Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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