I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
