Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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