you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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