terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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