i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
