Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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