wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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