I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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