so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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