8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize