So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
