just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
