is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish i was in the wii world.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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