i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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