there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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