i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
