You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
