Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
