1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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