I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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